The Buttering

St Pius X BNS, 6th class, Fighting Words Wicklow, 29th January 2020

Welcome to Jamaica!  And welcome to the best kitchen in the whole world!  I’m Bartholomew and my side kick is Toasty.  I’m a pound of butter and Toasty is a slice of toast.

I’m in a bit of a predicament now as some knives buttered me on to Toasty! 

But since I have super powers I can turn back into a solid pound of butter…. but for the time being I’m staying on Toasty.

When I turn back into solids I will only weigh 3 lbs of butter. (Here in the kitchen, my least favourite place, is the micro wave, because the butter melts there and I usually sacrifice my friends to go in!)

One day I’d love to become human but I’d never eat butter because it would be like eating one of my friends.

None of my friends are like me… I became alive when I fell off my shelf and fell into a special potion which gave me powers.

My special power is that I can go into humans and control them but I can’t become a human. 

The only way I can become a human is if I can get into the knives’ lair. 

The reason why I want to become human is because existing as butter is dangerous. 

I don’t know where the knives lair is, it’s hidden.

“But Bartholomew, I found a hidden door to the knives secret lair” said Toasty.

“Oh, my god, that’s amazing!” replied Bartholomew. “How do we get there?”

“I’ll tell you how to get there but the big problem is, the knives are allied with the famine potatoes…