I Got No Brain

St. Brigid’s GNS, Killester, 4th Class, 24th January 2012
Authors’ Note: to be read in a raspy, cool American Southern voice…

A long, long time ago in Foodtropolis there lived a criminal mastermind named Bobby.  But this was not just any ordinary criminal mastermind.

Not only was Bobby a jelly custard rice mastermind but he was so seriously dumb, he wasn’t a mastermind at all!

He was just trying to impress his mama.
Bobby dreamed of brains, and brains, and brains in his mama’s garage.  Bobby had no brain so he decided to steal Einstein’s brain because Einstein’s brain would never, ever, ever die.

Einstein’s brain was in the underworld of the unknown.  Bobby was so dumb that he took the bus even though the underworld was right next door.

Bobby’s arch-nemesis was Quackers the Rabid Duck, who had rabies frothing from his mouth.  Quackers was a museum guard by day. By night, he was super ninja protector of Einstein’s brain with his army of jelly eating ghosts.

The moon was shining full, the stars were shining bright and the ghosts were shining like clouds. 

Mist was rolling in down the pavement.  It sure was cold and dark and scary that night. 

It smelled like death was a-comin’ for gone-off jelly (and it also smelled like chips because there was a chipper down the road.)  The taste of duck was in the air and suddenly there was a-rustlin’ from the bushes and…